And Yet We Fail

As I read through the early books of the New Testament, Jesus love for His disciples is so apparent.  He knew them deeply, recognized their flaws, but still loved them beyond measure.  And yet, in John 13, Jesus tells Peter that he will deny him three times, and Peter does.

Just like Peter, Jesus knows we will fail in big ways.

We can love God, devote huge parts of ourselves and our lives to Him, and we will still fail.

And Jesus will still love us. God will still shower us with mercy.

blog2We are not asked to be perfect, but to continuously see Him, draw closer to Him.  Allow our souls to be touched and moved by Holy Spirit.

Then, maybe, we can catch ourselves sometimes before we stumble and fall…

But, even if not, we will be able to rise from our own ashes to walk beside Him once more

….and every other time that God already knows we will fail, we can kneel in humility under His grace.

How blessed I am to be known and loved so deeply with the full knowledge of my failing humanity.

Advertisements

Impossible Love

motheres-impossible-love-louise-bourgeois-and-tracey-eminA mothers love is impossible. You learn an entirely new dimension to love when you become one.

Each time a baby is born so is love. So is a mom.

Each child has a different mom, because each child is unique and requires it.

So all those articles for “first time” moms are kind of crap….unless you read them with reverence for each consecutive child (or my personal preference, not at all.)

The good moms spend our entire lives, our very existence and all the moments in between simply being mom, and trying to figure out how to be the best mom our child needs.

We err on the side of love, but no matter what they get to grow up.

And some babes yell loud, and early, and late and always. And some prefer silent rebellion. And some mess up early and walk gentle and stubborn, moving mountains in supposed solitude.

And yet, some feel deeply and let anger penetrate and some crave love to the point of idiocy.

And some babes are still little and outright defiant and give literal smacking kisses.

Being a mom is an impossible blessing, they grow up, they mess up, they wear you down.

But if you’ve done it right they have learned…err on the side of love.

So sleep peaceful, weary mommas, knowing you’ve done your all and it was the best and it was good enough.

And if all they learn is love, that’s good enough. It will guide them back. Because a heart ready for love is a heart ready for Christ.

-J

A Self-Reliant Man

a-good-self-reliant-man-vintage-art-posterI married a good man, who was taught to need no one. That kind of mindset is highly applauded these days…

Take care of yourself

Do your own thing

Depend on no one

Plant your own flowers

Frost yourself

 

Which are all great sentiments, to an extent. Except for the wife who was loved too much as a child and wants to be lavishly loved on as an adult.

 

The world is shifting – I know more people with divorced parents than committed.

 

It’s really no wonder people think independence and self reliance is the key.

 

Yet, I was raised to rely on each other. I was raised based on the most dependent love, Christ love. The most pure, uncomplicated, yet wholly dependent love.

 

As a believer and as a wife that is hard. It’s hard loving a man so unvulnerable, a man with so many walls.

 

It must be done, with Christ love, over and over and with a gentle word…

 

And there in lies my problem. Thank goodness I can be wholly dependent on my God for grace and mercy and love as I try my best, to rededicate my life to Him and to him.

 

And to see the day the walls come down.

  • J

Old Godly Way

Ask for the old, Godly, way and walk in it. Travel its path and you will find rest for your souls. Jeremiah 6:16

I’m still looking for a verse for this year (yes, I’m running out of time). I’m also reading through Jeremiah right now. I’m not sure why, so far it’s somewhat dull despite the hellfire warnings on repeat.

But this little gem of a verse stood out. Screamed directly to my spirit, embodying all I’m yearning for. Rest. Soul rest.

 

I do know I wanted something different this year. A little less processed, less compared, more content life.

Truthfully I want smaller bills and a bigger garden. I want a mouth overflowing with praise, not complaints. Truthfully, I’m not sure I’ve reached any of those goals.

So I’m thinking about this verse, “the Godly way”

Do I even know what that looks like in my frazzled uncomfortable body?

Is it as simple as contentment and gratitude? Simply being present in the now, while striving for a better “next?”

old-godly-way-kristinschmuckerIs it possible to do, to be both?

God is love. Faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13

Maybe the godly way is simply choosing love. Not choosing joy, not choosing contentment, not choosing the sprinkled donut. Choosing love.

And when this year, this moment gets too overwhelming, when I can’t see the love choice through the exhaustion and over the screaming fits…I will promise myself to slow down. To sit down and repeat, to beg for…

the old, Godly way, and walk in it…and there I will find rest for my soul.

  • J

His Works and Ours

“For the works of the Father has given me to accomplish, the very works that I am doing, bear witness about me that the Father has sent me.” Jesus in John 5:36

We know Jesus is the Messiah.  His truth, His being spoke to our heart.  But His works (and words) pointed to His undeniable identity about all – His divinity and fulfillment of prophesy.

We are saved through faith.  Period.  End of story.  None of us will ever be good enough.

adfgHowever, our works do point to the master of our soul.  We proclaim to the world our love and devotion to Him by how we act.  We have the amazing potential to point others to Him through our words, our hands, our feet, our attitude.

The healing of hearts, of our world, only comes from salvation, which is only possible through faith.  Through the way we walk through this world, we can help others see the grace and mercy that meet us daily.

So, we must live our lives authentically.  We must live our relationship with Christ out loud.  We must live openly and in love.

  • S

Gravity and Star Shine

I talk to Jesus when my babies sleep. When they’re awake too, but those prayers sound different…more like mama strength. I talk to them about Jesus when they’re waking up.

I rub sleepy heads and tell them how handsome and beautiful and awesome and passionate they are.

I tell them they were specifically designed, the entire universe shifted because Jesus loves them. Their little powerhouse spirits. I tell them they can change the world again by loving and choosing Jesus.

What a team they will make. My babes and God. My mind spins just thinking about it, the possibilities God has written out.

And I breathe a little easier, grateful to be on this journey. Grateful I’m honored with strong willed cubs.

i-talk-to-jesusAnd I run my fingers through their crazy and different hair and will continue to whisper all things good.

Difficult to raise, but oh so good.

Love once changed the world, and now it has changed mine, thrice over.

And I’m anxious and impatient to whisper sweet nothings to number three. And grateful, yet in pain, over his already distinctly stubborn self.

And I’m convinced, despite it all, love will continue to better the world, and my cubs will be part of the gravity and part of the star shine.

  • J

 

Eyes Wide Shut

I have a lot to learn about love and how to love. My kids are teaching me anew everyday.

 

We had a rough night (shocking). I haven’t showered in 6 days (if you’re a fellow mom to a bear cub and lady bug you understand).

 

Long story short, I’m laying in my bed praying Nici goes back down. That doesn’t happen, instead he starts rubbing my arm, and gently talking in his high pitched nice voice. His face approximately 2 inches from mine, his hands are now on my face examining it as well. Taking in each line. I look over at him and his eyes are shut.

 

He is seeing me with his words and his hands. And sometimes we see better with our eyes shut.

 

God made us for community. Real community equals real vulnerability, though. Eyes squeezed closed takes care of pride and judgment real fast.

 

eyes-wide-shutI’m not promoting eternal blindfolds or zero accountability. I’m thinking eyes closed love lends to faster grace granted, not because we can’t see or feel their flaws, but we are acutely aware of our own vulnerable state.

 

There is a lot of ugly in the world, there is a lot of ugly in my heart.

 

My two year old doesn’t see it. He loves me, enough to blindly caress my face at 3am despite the numerous confrontations we dealt with in the previous 24 hours.

 

I have a lot to learn about loving, loving past the ugly, loving despite the differences. And embracing relational, vulnerable community the way Christ intended.

  • J