Sprinkles are for Winners

Being a wife is way harder than being a mom, possibly more exhausting too. I think it’s because there is no option in not being a mom once you become one. It is eternal and undeniable. However, society has no issues if you stop being a wife. Many people even promote it, there are guide books even.

Society promotes personal happiness over all else; so if your husband doesn’t make you happy, leave him. As a wife, only 4 years in, I can confidently say, your husband will not make you happy a lot of the time.

And if you’re in the middle of littles you may question your sanity and wisdom and love and choice of mate. That is normal.

 

  1. he is a man and wired completely differently
  2. he is a man and therefore does not multi task efficiently
  3. he is a man and thinks he can fix everything with youtube better than a professional
  4. he is human and cannot read minds or thought bubbles (thank goodness sometimes)

 

Choose him anyways. Marriage isn’t supposed to be 50/50; you each carry the weight at different times. Sometimes you give and sometimes you get, and sometimes you can’t tell the difference through the exhaustion.

Society says it’s ok to quit, it’s ok to find your real soul mate and perfect fit. Many godly people say it’s ok to quit if your spouse isn’t godly.

 

“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives,” 1 Peter 3:1

 

But here’s the thing, once you say “I do,” you become one. And maybe the fit doesn’t seem perfect and maybe its borderline painful at times. But instead of quitting and thinking of all the ways someone else would be better, easier to live with, at least more helpful…

 

Lift each other up, stop pointing out flaws that shrink. Focus on your mistakes instead of his.

sprinklesareforwinners

Most of all remember you’re both tired, and you’re both trying, and you do love each other.

 

And go get some ice cream with or without the littles, because sprinkles help every situation.

(I do think there are some serious reasons for separation, this post is not in reference to abuse of any kind)

  • J

Not So Simple

not so simple filter“look for ways to serve the Lord” – actively pursue and search for AND act in ways that serve the Lord.

 

Small ways. Big ways. Simple ways. Complex ways. Self-sacrificing ways.

 

Anyway you can, say yes when God nudges. Anyway you point others towards His light, His love – that is serving the Lord.

 

Part of being a Christian is learning to be a mindful thinker, giving our fleshy impulses to the Holy Spirit and leaning on His power to act accordingly.

 

notsimple filterHarnessing my tongue, the strongest muscle in the human body, the smallest weapon I carry with me daily, connected directly to my thoughts; my heart.

 

My tongue is the number one way I do not serve the Lord.

 

I do not filter my words or my tone with one simple question, “will these words serve the Lord’s purpose or mine?”

 

All words serve a purpose. Very rarely are words purely superfluous. Are mine serving my own agenda, fueling my wants and desires to be heard and seen and understood?

 

Or do my words speak truth, and compassion and love, and point those I’m closest to, as well as passerbys, to God’s love and purpose?

 

Can I learn to filter my tongue with this one guiding principle? Will I spend my whole life trying?

Only with God’s grace every day…

– J

Not a People Person

I’m not really a people person in the broader sense of the phrase. Strangers catch me off guard and leave me somewhere between awkward shock and utter irritation. However, I’m slightly obsessed with my roots and my home people.

Yet, I think most friendships are expendable. (I blame moving a lot and an abnormal soul connection with my sister.)

I also know God disagrees. People are not expendable, friendships, relationships, are not optional. People matter above everything else. And strangers, new friends, old friends, this is how we let Jesus out of us and into the world.

My awkwardness and irritations rise because I am focusing on my agenda, my day, my plans, my feelings, not His will.

He made us for communion and community, the Bible is clear on this. And blogging safely from my neon chair with my coffee is not enough.

I must live out what I believe,

“even if I stumble, even if I fall. Even if I lose my step and make fools of us all.” – DC Talk

I must learn to be a people person, to be there repeatedly for people even when I want silence. I must sacrifice some of my time to give into God’s time.

He uses people, and ordinary moments. How many ordinary opportunities have I missed to spread love this week.

It’s Thursday and I have 4 missed calls.

  • J

 

Anything

“ the hardest things in life give you the most God” Jennie Allen

 

My life isn’t that hard or extraordinary. It’s actually pretty simple and dare I say (normal.)

 

I’ve started praying for anything.

 

Lord, I give you everything; do anything you want.

 

And somehow I sincerely and hesitantly mean it. Some small answers have been given. Mostly waits and not yets and keep going and keep mothering.

 

These answers are hard for my mermaid soul, I long to go deeper. Waiting and mothering often don’t feel awe-inspiring or like big, Godly work.

 

I’m learning Godly work is most often small though. It’s not the numbers reached or biggest impact; God uses small people in ordinary moments.

 

He says give your lunch, your knapsack of pretzels and pb & j and apple, and HE will make it worthy. He doesn’t say make a banquet feast and display it aesthetically on instagram and watch how many people He touches with it.

 

rlstedman
R.L. Stedman

Give your meal and he will feed 5,000.

 

It’s small steps, it’s a willingness to answer those small nudges.

 

So today, I’m finally making the cookies, for the neighbors. Not because I want to. I find conversations with them borderline painful. The nudge won’t leave though, and it’s a kind one.

 

And I said I would do anything.

 

t

Fierce Love

fierce-love-prophetic-art-by-marilyn-simandleI’m reading this book called “Choose Joy,” it’s excellent and uplifting and holds me accountable for my own joy. Regardless of the circumstances of my life.

Which is a good thing. But today I don’t feel like choosing joy.

My husband is gone, bug had a horrible night, Nici is…well Nici, always intense (one way or another), and I’m supposed to be compassionate. I’m tired.

 

I’m supposed to choose joy and radiate Christ. I do feel like flipping some tables, Christ did that…so does that count?

 

As Christians we are held to high standards, which is a good thing, a biblical thing. However we are often judged, for having those standards, “you call yourself a Christian, yet judge others.”

 

Yes, I judge how people show love. I’m working on it, my empathy, compassion, grace (whatever you want to call it) is growing. But my standards for how we should love one another is high. And that is Biblical.

 

That doesn’t mean loving everyone is easy. It does mean we are called to try. It also means holding myself and those I love to high standards. I’m passionate and overly emotional…so is my God.

 

You don’t let your son die for others, for sinners, for those completely unworthy, unless you’re overcome with fierce irrational love.

 

You don’t hang suffering and tortured unless overcome with fierce irrational love.

 

So I’m reading this “Choose Joy” book, not feeling joyful, not feeling overcome with love. But feeling fierce.

 

And maybe that isn’t something to push aside as I search for sunshine. Maybe God purposefully placed this fierce beast within me so I could accomplish great irrational things.

 

Regardless of who is uncomfortable with it (myself included).

 

And yes, fierceness requires high expectations and unbounding love.

  • J

Impossible Love

motheres-impossible-love-louise-bourgeois-and-tracey-eminA mothers love is impossible. You learn an entirely new dimension to love when you become one.

Each time a baby is born so is love. So is a mom.

Each child has a different mom, because each child is unique and requires it.

So all those articles for “first time” moms are kind of crap….unless you read them with reverence for each consecutive child (or my personal preference, not at all.)

The good moms spend our entire lives, our very existence and all the moments in between simply being mom, and trying to figure out how to be the best mom our child needs.

We err on the side of love, but no matter what they get to grow up.

And some babes yell loud, and early, and late and always. And some prefer silent rebellion. And some mess up early and walk gentle and stubborn, moving mountains in supposed solitude.

And yet, some feel deeply and let anger penetrate and some crave love to the point of idiocy.

And some babes are still little and outright defiant and give literal smacking kisses.

Being a mom is an impossible blessing, they grow up, they mess up, they wear you down.

But if you’ve done it right they have learned…err on the side of love.

So sleep peaceful, weary mommas, knowing you’ve done your all and it was the best and it was good enough.

And if all they learn is love, that’s good enough. It will guide them back. Because a heart ready for love is a heart ready for Christ.

-J

The World Isn’t Like Her

the-world-isnt-like-her-frida-kahlo-photoI’m highly emotional. I often wonder if I’m the one wired crooked. Even a realtor, who has known me less than 30 minutes said, “99% of the world isn’t like her…”

I think it was a compliment. But it can also be a burden.

And my neck hurts from straining, from the weight of all the emotions and order and chaos I try to get a grip with every day.
I cant seem to figure out how things will play out; I am a roller coaster. But faith in what we see isn’t faith, its knowledge.

Faith is what you don’t see. Trust is believing God will weave it beautiful, if not eventually.

I’m highly emotional and highly controlling, and I want to be held and loved loudly.

If I could just slow down I would realize I already am, in a thousand different ways…every single day.

  • J