“ the hardest things in life give you the most God” Jennie Allen


My life isn’t that hard or extraordinary. It’s actually pretty simple and dare I say (normal.)


I’ve started praying for anything.


Lord, I give you everything; do anything you want.


And somehow I sincerely and hesitantly mean it. Some small answers have been given. Mostly waits and not yets and keep going and keep mothering.


These answers are hard for my mermaid soul, I long to go deeper. Waiting and mothering often don’t feel awe-inspiring or like big, Godly work.


I’m learning Godly work is most often small though. It’s not the numbers reached or biggest impact; God uses small people in ordinary moments.


He says give your lunch, your knapsack of pretzels and pb & j and apple, and HE will make it worthy. He doesn’t say make a banquet feast and display it aesthetically on instagram and watch how many people He touches with it.


R.L. Stedman

Give your meal and he will feed 5,000.


It’s small steps, it’s a willingness to answer those small nudges.


So today, I’m finally making the cookies, for the neighbors. Not because I want to. I find conversations with them borderline painful. The nudge won’t leave though, and it’s a kind one.


And I said I would do anything.




Wake Up to Entitlement

I’ve had a couple wake up calls to ways that I am being unfaithful to God in my lifestyle.  Now, your imagination is probably running, but, trust me, it is not that exciting.  It’s the small things that get us the most though, those are the easy ones to ignore and look over.  The areas that I need to clean up are my finances and my health – both of which are almost painful it seems at times.  

4d0af2dd60e6e57f3c50f20d320e9e25As I’ve done some prayerful, honest self reflection, I’m finding these two things are coming down to entitlement.  

If you asked me how I felt about entitlement, I would tell you I despise it.  None of us are entitled to anything.  YET, I subconsciously use it to justify my actions all the time in so many different ways.  

I had a hard day.  I deserve XXXXXX.

I did a really great job on that presentation.   I should reward myself with XXXXX.

I haven’t really bought any new clothes lately.  I deserve XXXXXXX.

I spend a lot of time on others.  I can get myself XXXXXX.

After all, God would want me to be happy and XXXXXX makes me happy.

All of this based on the idea that I inherently deserve something.  That something is owed to me for something that I’ve done, experienced, or simply for being me.  All of which is wrong.

I am not owed anything.  In fact, I owe everything.  Yet, if I’m truly honest, there are pieces of my life that I’ve been unwilling to hand over completely because I have felt entitled.  These seemingly small pieces, it’s not like I’m on the verge of bankruptcy or death by any means, I keep for myself as if God doesn’t want them.  But he does.  He wants it all.  He wants my all.  

“She traded entitlement for surrender, and God took her up on it.” Jennie Allen in Anything (49).  

0f9b5d98bbffcdae0fee5dc2b7033aa0So, that’s what I’m trying to do.  Trade the things I’ve viewed as entitlements to offerings.  One brownie, one shirt, one ice cream, one pair of earrings, one piece of pizza, one dvd (have you figured out my weaknesses yet?) at a time.

Big actions can be easier sometimes than the small day to day offerings…but I’m trying.  As God is revealing these hidden pieces of my soul that I wasn’t aware I was clutching, He is also giving me the power to surrender all I have and am to Him to make room and prepare for even bigger battles to fight in His name!


True Grace

True grace threatens our control.” Jennie Allen in Anything

I had to read this several times.

By accepting grace, we accept that we are flawed.  We accept that we need grace.  We accept that we are lacking and need.  We accept that our God is so much bigger and greater than us.

If we truly let that truth, that reality, settle into our being, into our consiousness…it can be frightening for what it could mean in the rest of our lives.  

If He is so much bigger and greater than us, what does that mean for me, my goals, my direction for life?

What am I trying to do if He knows infinitely more than I do?

0e37233751020af61db79606120389f1My acknowledgment and acceptance of His grace in my soul and at the core of my being is acknowledgment and acceptance of surrender.

a surrender of superiority

a surrender of hypocrisy

a surrender of a plan

a surrender of a control

BUT, it is also an embrace of a faith allowed to run freely.