He is Truth

ss“If I alone bear witness about myself, my testimony is not true.” Jesus in John 5:31

The validity/truth of God’s grace, His goodness, His mercy, salvation is fact.

The truth is proven by millions of testimonies that point to Him.  People have experienced the power of His love, grace, and mercy.  People know His saving power.  His truth has stayed true through generations.  It is not limited by space or age or gender or race.  It knows no limits.

His love is boundless and His arms are open.

Where is my sense of urgency?

So, what if my testimony is the one piece of evidence that someone is waiting for?

After all..the “hour is coming.”

– S

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Honesty is the Worst

ca1f2a17cd2008de92debd5a06e6f30eIf you asked me what my priorities are my answer is always on auto pilot -faith and family. I would likely tell you in that order.  I’ve been really convicted over the last week that this has not been true lately.  It is true in my heart, but it is not reflected in my actions…so what does that say about my heart???

We can say we value or prioritize whatever we want, but the truth is revealed in the time and energy we actually devote to different people or categories.  I recently recommended to someone to chart their time to see where their priorities lie. How pretentious of me to suggest that and not apply it to my own life.

So, let me do that here with you. This is what a basic weekday looks like for me… 

15-40  minutes a day on devotions.  Okay, on Sundays you can add extra time for church.  On Mondays, I can add extra time for my Bible study (I started BFS this year and would highly recommend looking for one in your area). Sure, I conversate with God throughout the day.  But still, my set aside devoted daily time is 15-40 minutes

1.25 hours eating – anyone already see the glaring issue right away?  I spend at best twice as much time eating than with God. Eating!

2 hours with  my family, playing with my niece and nephew, hanging out and talking to the most important adults in my life.

1 hour cuddling with a child/children during calm down/bed time

1 -2 hours leisure time – after the kids go to bed  doing whatever I want on that day

6-7 hours of sleep

9 hours at work

Then, throw in a short work out most days.

 

None of these are bad things.  Actually, they are all positive things.  HOWEVER, the overwhelming take home from my weekday schedule?  God is not my priority.  I am letting other, albeit positive, things to come between me and my time with God.  How often do this?  We focus on work, on being “healthy,” on relationships – instead of focusing on the one who truly can sustain us and cares more about us than anyone else can.  We make excuses because they promote a positive, healthy, and balanced life, but forget that God is the number one ingredient to all of those.

If I am not devoting more time to my relationship with God, in His word, praying, meditating on His will – can I honestly say my relationship with Him is my greatest priority?  Simply put, NO.

I’m trying to force myself to be honest with myself.   This means acknowledging the decisions that I am making.  So, when I feel God nudging me to spend time with him at night, but I choose that hour of leisure activity, I am audibly saying, “No, I don’t want to.”  Because by not spending that time with Him, that is what I am saying…

”No, God.  I don’t want to spend this time with you.  I 651c825f1c23f503c629ec8e360d0390really just want to spend it doing X,Y, or Z instead because I think I deserve it.”

By doing this audibly, I am acknowledging my rebellious and selfish spirit.

And let’s be even more honest. I would NEVER say that to my niece or nephew.  So,why am I okay saying that to my Creator, my Comforter, my Savior?  
So, I am trying to make a concentrated effort to pour more into the most important relationship in my life.  I want to be able to logically defend that He really is my first and foremost priority.

Man, honesty hurts.

-S

A Hard Pill to Swallow

God has given us free will.  God uses us despite our choices if we allow Him.  God used me/is using me while on my current path that, honestly, I’m not sure was His original plan for me.  I chose a path that allowed me to work towards making the world better, but one that would let me do what I wanted without having to face any of my fears.

It is still really hard, but I am rapidly getting to the point of being ready to move despite my fears, which still remain the same.  However, there are two main changes:

  1. I’m able to see the irrationality of the fear I’ve held and the way I’ve let the fear dictate parts of my life/decisions.
  2. It is limiting my ability to serve God.

The last one is the hard pill to swallow.  It took some honest, hard reflection to accept and acknowledge that I have been putting my own desires above His.  By doing so, I am not only suggesting that my desires are somehow most important, but also that He isn’t powerful enough to handle my fear (because I KNOW I am not).

Wow.  I’ve built my life on my selfish needs and desires.  God has worked with me/through me despite this.  However, the truth of that statement still exists.  So, what does that mean for my faith driven life moving forward?

I’m going to be honest and quiet so I can hear and respond to His little nudges as they come.

-S