“and the greatest gift we can give our God is to let his love make us happy”- Ann Voskamp
Before becoming a mom I wouldn’t have fully understood this. But now, three kids later, it rings true and hard.
I so desperately want my love to be enough. I want them smothered and adored and laughing in the bliss of it all.
I want them fearless and bold and secure and glad to be themselves in this world, because my love has brought them there.
But my love will never be enough. Even if I didn’t fail daily, even if I wasn’t hanging on the end trying to regrip most days. I couldn’t; I cant fill them up enough.
There is a cross shaped hole, a longing in their tiny souls for a perfect love I can’t fill.
And as a mom that is hard. I want to fill it up. As a human, a sigh is let out and the pressure lifted, I can’t be enough, but I know the one who can.
This Christmas there is so much hustle and bustle and trying to get situated and in our new groove. Growing pains are running rampant and I feel guilty everyday.
I am not enough for them.
And that is ok. Moms that is ok.
Just lean on the One who is. Talk to the One who can fill them, talk about the One who came down small as them and will put the broken pieces of them and this world back together again. He will put the pieces of me right where he designed them to be, in His hand. He created me to be their mom, I am enough for this moment, but not for their hearts. Only His love can truly fulfill their needs
And the greatest gift I can give back to Him is to let His love, His perfect love fill my holes, fill my guilt, wrap me up and make me glad.
Rejoice, Hosanna, Glory to the King of Kings.
He is mine and I am glad.