And it’ll all be okay

Everyday, at least once a day, I feel like crying. Not little tears of joy or pain. I feel like sitting on the floor and sobbing uncontrollably for reasons that do not exist except in my mind, and for reasons life is so very complicated. 

Literature, err hospital pamphlets, call it “baby blues”…and suggest getting help if it lasts longer than a few weeks. Apparently a few weeks of this is a normal thing. 

I remember feeling very similar after Bug was born. I was told introducing number three into the mix is way easier than number two – that I already know how to divide my time. It’s not simpler for me. 

k1It’s equally as hard and the guilt rides me, despite it being unfounded. I want to cuddle them all, all at once. I want to hold them close and whisper I love you’s until it’s all they know to say. (Super productive parenting I know). 

My heart is overflowing and my emotions are the icing on top. Beck is a champ; hands down an easier baby and a better breast feeder. But it hurts still and the emotional surges with it send me wheeling.

But he’s perfect, and we’re all obsessed. It wasn’t our plan to have a family of five. But God knew better and I’m so glad. I can’t imagine my world without any one of my babies in it! 

But I still want to cry. A lot. And so I’m writing this random blog to say that’s ok. 

And it doesn’t take away the love. Or the frustration of a healing body. Or the fact my kids don’t understand why I cant run around yet though I all I want to do is that. Or why I can’t carry my three year old up or downstairs yet. It breaks my mama heart even if next week I know we’ll be back closer to normal. 

It’s all a process. And it’s all ok. And grace is extended and absorbed. And His plan is infinitely better than mine. 

A Prayer for today and everyday…

A decision has been made. Half of us are happy (and relieved), and half of us are angry (and frightened).

My prayer today is the same as it was yesterday morning.

I pray for our leaders, for our new president elect. I pray for wisdom, perspective, and ears for hearing.

I pray for good, wise counsel. i pray that voices are heard.

14962656_10207667694391113_8661302653781604361_nI pray that the dialogue is filled with words of unity.

I pray for us, the American citizens.

I pray that we can put down our swords and come together after one of the most divisive elections in grace and humility.  Boasting and finger pointing are not only unnecessary, but detrimental.

Ultimately, no matter which side of the political fence you sit on, the same is true today as yesterday –

God is sovereign regardless of who sits in the White House.