These are the last few fights Chris and I have had:
- he vacuums too much, too slow (he got me a vacuum for Valentines day one year, I kid you not)
- he took over doing the dishes (I wanted 5 minutes without holding a kid)
- he took over sweeping and I wanted it done a specific way
Yes, I realize how ridiculous all three of these seem. I realize a lot of women want to be irritated because their husband DID housework. I am blessed to have a clean husband, and I do appreciate that.
However, these are repetitive irritants in my marriage, especially the vacuuming.
I am a control freak. I like to consider myself go-with-the-flow, but I’m not. I like things done a certain way, at a certain time, in a certain speed. And there is a logical explanation for all of those.
Unfortunately, Chris’ job takes him out of town for extended periods…and I can have everything done exactly how I want. We get a very specific routine for very specific reasons. Then he comes home and I’m supposed to turn that off and accept help in whatever form its given.
It’s not that simple folks.
I take his help as attacks on my parenting, my house keeping. (which he’s assured me it isn’t, but it desperately feels that way at times). And then I blow up because I’m feeling insecure and hurt, not because he is cleaning.
My point, the devil attacks in some very basic ways and outrageous emotions. And it’s ok to be upset, it’s even ok to have routines. However, it’s not ok to over-react.
I get mad at Nici when he over reacts, and then I turn around and do it. Our standards are higher for 2 year olds than for ourselves. I must learn to use my nice words, in the middle of rage, not after.
Little people are watching, and we are a team. The devil likes to skew that perspective, drive in a wedge, it’s our choice if we let him.
Also, write down why you’re fighting. It gives good perspective later.