I am forgiven

Today wasn’t my best parenting day. I am sleep deprived. Probably chronically so. It’s been 3 years. I’m praying it’s not 3 more.

I had little patience. Very little. They didn’t nap. I snapped a lot. I cried numerous times too. Mostly when they couldn’t see.

I didn’t get to hold Nici as he fell asleep. Bug was crying. I was juggling. I snapped. He said I’m just talking and fell asleep watching me rock her.

I cried some more. Today was a rough day and I didn’t get to say I’m sorry. Or kiss him before his eyes closed.

I wanted to. Desperately. I leaned in close enough to feel his skin on my face and whispered I’m sorry. I love you. I will do better tomorrow. I promise.

And I will.

And now I must forgive myself. Because I am held too, and I am flawed and broken and have bad days. And that’s ok. I get tomorrow to make it up.

I’m just momma and I’m doing my best.

And thank goodness for grace like an avalanche. My weary soul needs it.

– J

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