I’m a bit behind in typing up blogs (although some new ones do get typed before old thoughts). This blog was written last November…
God has a funny way of changing our plans and filling our hearts. Especially considering just this morning I was, am, feeling guilty for thinking, “I don’t want another child, I want to sleep through the night”….
I have the perfect family, no really, I am blessed that way. We speak too much, too loudly, feel too strongly and only know the deep waters, and are immensely flawed.
But we love fierce.
And love, conquers all.
And so while we have the perfect family I sit here feeling incomplete.
The odds are I’m done being pregnant (may the odds ever be in our favor). I don’t think Chris or myself could handle another 15 months of hormones and adjustments.
My heart is full, but it isn’t complete yet.
So I pray.
I contemplate foster care, and adoption and mourn for those not tucked in. For those who question love and soul ache for family, who have never known the comfort of what momma should mean.
And deep down I know our perfect family isn’t complete yet.
I just don’t know how or when.
But love is too costly to waste.