Open My Heart

by Alexandra Ethell

“Open my heart to see the good work you have prepared for me”

And while you’re at it close my eyes. Let reality not cloud your miracles.
Let ordinary me not hinder your craft.

I’m a very ordinary woman. I love hard and fierce, but the more people I take the time to know, I realize I’m not alone in this.

I parent different than most, harder, and softer.

But in general, I’m a firm believer that deep down most people are good. Most people are just searching for kindness, for a love unwavering.

Six months ago I desperately wanted out of my safe neighborhood. I wanted to see and make and feel a tangible difference. I was too comfortable.

Well, now I’m not and I find myself wishing I was. But not really. My flesh is just weak, my mind is strong.

Which is funny because I’ve always been a lead with the heart kind of gal. Make big mistakes with my gut kinda gal.

It’s time to refocus. I’ve written a lot about not being afraid, about helping our international neighbors, opening our doors to those in need, regardless.

Yet am I a hypocrite? Am I afraid of the unruly domestic neighbor who is nice enough, but a little crazy?

And what do I fear? Isn’t my God bigger? Isn’t my God in control of today and tomorrow?

And isn’t this what I’ve prayed for? An entirely different mission field in my own backyard…

God gave me chatty, elderly, very needy people though – doesn’t he realize that’s not my cup of tea! I like children. Lots of them.

I don’t see his plan. I don’t understand his works. I am ordinary and uncomfortable.

But that’s when he works the most, when it’s unnatural for me I MUST call on the Holy Spirit. And calling I have been. There’s a direct number these days.

So open my heart Lord, let me serve and play and love like you intended. and close my mind to preconceived ideas of what this move was or should be. You are in control (thank goodness), let me sleep on that.

And grant glorious unlimited resources for the day ahead.

  • J

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