What if I REALLY believed?

What if I leaned on God instead of my own understanding?

 

No, really.

 

What if I got myself good and messy and uncomfortable and then just had faith.

 

Faith the Holy Spirit would lead me.

 

Faith to walk step by step without a map, or pre planned destination.

 

“For the Holy Spirit will teach you in that very hour what you ought to say” Luke 12:12

What if I truly believed that enough to truly live like it.

 

It’s time to start making some intentional changes; making prayer a priority and listening even harder.

 

It’s time to change the world, one obedient step at a time. And so I pray, “God I’m willing, lead me. Use me. “

 

what if i believedI want to wear myself out for Him; I want to use all my gifts for Him. I want to run towards His plans abandoned and arms open, without fear and a well packed bag.

 

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me.”

-J

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My Prayer This Week

As I am humbled once again, the gift of a savior.  As I eagerly anticipate the coming day we get to celebrate his birth, my overwhelming feeling and desire is love.  

Here is my prayer in this season:

I pray that you will be able to understand how wide and how long and how high and how deep His love is.  I pray that you will know the love of Christ.  His love goes beyond anything we can understand.  I pray that you will be filled with God himself.” Ephesians 3:18-19

  • S

Candy Canes and Jingle Bells

The holiday season is no longer approaching, it is here.

 

And my heart is happy and my plate is full and my cup is overflowing and I’m giving thanks.

 

And its not all sunshine and roses and candy canes and jingle bells.

 

Chris and I fought this morning, and afternoon. He is still away at work. I had the flu yesterday. Sis spits up torrential amounts. Daily. And cries for only me (endearing only in theory). My back hurts, from carrying these blessings. Nici doesn’t sleep (maybe he never will). He threw a fit (just now) over the wrong juice cup, I have no clue which is the “right” cup, nd is now crying because I wont let him eat an apple out of the garbage.

 

Its not all daffodils and cornucopias, but it is all glory and my cup overflows and I give thanks.

 

For cuddles and kisses and sorry mama, sorry.

 

i give thanksFor a husband worth fighting for and with. And a job that pays even if it is far away.

 

I give thanks for this crazy chaotic life I get to call mine, and I do it loudly, lest I forget.

 

I give thanks for a God who isn’t passive, who directs my paths and teaches me and calms me.

 

Life isn’t perfect or even remotely easy and the holidays are anything, but stress free. Life is good though and we have too much to celebrate and the seasons smell too good to be bogged down.

 

I give thanks for my savior and his daily redeeming grace.

  • J

Shifts

Does God’s purpose for our lives change at different times?  Do we have one singular purpose or does this morph as we evolve?

“I trusted that He saw the bigger picture, and I stepped forward in faith by living the life that was in front of me.  I stepped forward, knowing that whatever He wanted from me now, He would make sure I had the figts to use in that moment.”from Choose Joy: Finding Hope and Purpose when Life Hurts by Sara Frankl and Mary Carver

Our gifts, abilities, talents, abundances changed throughout life.  So, it makes sense that the way God uses us would also change.  He will always use us and always has a purpose, but maybe these shift?

I’ve always thought of God’s purpose for me as a concrete concept.  I am designed to do X.  This doesn’t really make sense, though, the more I think about it.  As I change and grow, my contexts change, it makes sense that God would and could use me in different ways.

My self-worth is so wrapped up in how I think/believe God is using me, wants to use me, could use me.  So, this is such a relieving truth to fall upon.  

He is using me right now in ways I see and don’t see; in ways and places I like and don’t always like.  

godisworkingonyourprayersI can still hope He may use me in some of the different ways that I hope for …later.  Just because it isn’t happening now, doesn’t mean it never will.  Maybe I’m not ready. Maybe the opportunities are still being prepared for me. (And maybe He will reveal that my desires in ways to serve are not the ways that He can use me best.)
Either way, He knows best and I will continue to pray for His will, and the wisdom to recognize it and peace to live with it.

  • S

Adulting So Hard

I’m an adult. Every day this becomes more apparent.

 

Somewhere between laying in the grass and digging worms at grandma’s

 

Sometime between barbies all afternoon and family basketball every evening.

 

Somehow I became the woman with the crockpot. The woman with the magic kisses, pink lotion and pudding skin.

 

adultingAnd suddenly, I’m so very adult and I see my eyes wrinkle, or crinkle, or whatever.

 

And I couldn’t be more thrilled. My friends are turning or have turned 30 with a heavy heart and big sigh. I can not wait to turn 30!

 

20’s are hard. Major decision after major decision and I’ve just recently fully realized I have zero control.

 

Kids teach you that lesson fast.

 

And I’m down to one prayer repeated, “Lord overcome me”

 

Or, more accurately, “help me overcome myself and cling to You”

 

I’m the adult now, and I’m not sure when exactly that happened. But I’m okay with aging. Every year gets better (although 2015 was/is one for the books.)

 

Tide winds are gearing up again, I can feel it in my soul. And so I slow down to listen.

 

Reflecting over the crockpot.

  • J

You are Enough

I need to “let go of the ideas I can’t make happen.  Let go of the expectations I put on myself to be more than myself.” from Choose Joy: Finding Hope and Purpose when Life Hurts by Sara Frankl and Mary Carver

tumblr_nn0nfoN2f51twtiyxo1_1280My message to myself and everyone else who needs it today?

You are enough.

Just you.

Who you are at your core is exactly who God intended you to be.

So, rest in the knowledge, that you were created intentionally with the exact strengths and weaknesses that He knew you needed to be used fully for His purposes.

For You made the parts inside me. You put me together inside my mother. I will give thanks to You, for the greatness of the way I was made brings fear. Your works are great and my soul knows it very well. – Pslam 139: 13-14

-S

Love is Illogical

Life is weird and unfair and earthly circumstances are unjust. And yet God is merciful, His will perfect, and what is left feels like a perfect contradiction, an ugly fleshy world ruled by a loving God. Its 100% illogical and faith isn’t tangible (except for those who choose to believe) and so Satan steps in.

 

And faith can shrink or strengthen in times like this.

 

God’s at work in my soul, my home, my family. So it only makes sense life feels heavy; Satan is pushing down hard and, truth be told, winning my attitude all too frequently.

 

Yet, I persevere.

 

Satan’s favorite place to play is in the minds of those willing to do God’s work. The enemy works in as mysterious ways as God. Using earthy logic against us. Its been his go-to tactic from the beginning…

 

“You won’t die!” the serpent replied to the woman. “God knows that your eyes will be opened as soon as you eat it, and you will be like God, knowing both good and evil.” The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too.” Genesis 3:4-6

 

Unconditional love isn’t logical. Repetitive forgiveness isn’t logical. Helping those who hurt you isn’t logical. Giving freely isn’t logical.

 

illogical loveAnd yet God calls us to do those things. To physically turn away from earthly things, earthly logic.

 

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life —is not from the Father but is from the world. 1 John 2:15-16

 

He says love your neighbor as yourself…and your enemy (Mark 12:31)

Help those who harm you (exodus 23:5)

Forgive way more times than is logical (Matthew 5:44 and 18:21)

To give freely (Deuteronomy 15:10 and 16:17)

 

And so logical responses and arguments mean nothing, they promote a lifestyle I do not long for; at the end of everyday I am called to crazy illogical love.

-J