I’m Choosing

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2

Growing up in a Christ centered home there are a few key verses that are jammed into your head…

John 3:16

Psalms 23

Romans 12:2

Philippians 4:13

I’m not saying this is a bad thing, just as an adult I tend to skim over these verses and take them at face value. Similar to a nursery rhyme learned in rote memory.

However, today, in light of my current circumstances Romans 12:2 came pounding to the front of my ever-moving thoughts.

“Quit acting like them- you are not like them. Let God change the way you think, the way you feel, let God change your actions”

I guess rote memory verses do have a purpose when coupled with a lifetime of Godly example.

Lately I’ve been having a hard time truly forgiving. My actions are half hearted and my words un-genuine. I’m not sure I truly wish this person well.

Outwardly I’m saying yes to God, but inside I grow bitter with the day to day.

I am not allowing God to change the way I think. I am not allowing God to speak at all. I berate Him with all my justifications and feelings.

This is not a faith filled yes, a faith based way of living. That is copying the customs of this world because darn it I’m right and hurt.

Giving freely, letting go of expectations, choosing love…

rote memoryOpening my heart and allowing God in to do whatever he is doing (cause I sure as heck cant figure it out). This is hard. This is life changing for all involved.

And step one, like always for me, begins with the tongue.

No more lamenting or justifying or even complaining. No more re-living the hard or ugly.

I’m choosing God. I’m choosing love. I’m choosing to learn something from this if it’s the last thing I do (partially so God doesn’t feel the need to reteach this lesson)

I’m also choosing counseling because I’m not sure I can make it without an unbiased voice.

-J

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s