I’m not going to sugar coat it, the past week has been hard.
My home is utter chaos and its translating into my emotions. And my emotional son feels it as well, which leads to my emotional daughter crying…plus no one is sleeping.
Its been a fun week.
And I’ve cried, a lot, thank you hormonal let downs.
And I’ve wondered all sorts of wonderings, all about me.
But here’s the kicker…I love God… and I made a huge faith yes this Spring. I answered in faith and amidst the crazy and lack of coping I know it was still right.
“if you love Him, if you seek Him with your whole heart, He’ll bless you and use you to reach others with his love”
Honest confession. I’m not sure how well I’ve loved in 2015. Its been a very trying year of transitions and limbo.
But I’m trying and learning amidst my wonderings that maybe it isn’t all about me.
Yes I’m overwhelmed, maxed out, tapped out, whatever you want to call it. However, maybe God doesn’t really care. Maybe it isn’t about me and He is using me for greater causes…if id just get over myself and my exhaustion and realize that my hope and daily nourishment and rejuvenation comes from a never ending spring, an eternal God (goodness knows it’s not from sleep).
God’s shaken my life and got me good and uncomfortable in obvious and intangible ways.
And I need to accept that this isn’t about me, and that’s ok. My pain is temporary. His glory forever.
God doesn’t call us to be comfortable, not even when you have a 2 year old and 10 week old and more coffee than sleep and an overdue husband.
And he doesn’t show us the fruit we are inching towards or tell us the why’s and how’s . He simply asks us to keep moving towards the edge, for Him and with Him.
And gives me no other choice but to fail in His arms of grace.