I’ve had a couple wake up calls to ways that I am being unfaithful to God in my lifestyle. Now, your imagination is probably running, but, trust me, it is not that exciting. It’s the small things that get us the most though, those are the easy ones to ignore and look over. The areas that I need to clean up are my finances and my health – both of which are almost painful it seems at times.
If you asked me how I felt about entitlement, I would tell you I despise it. None of us are entitled to anything. YET, I subconsciously use it to justify my actions all the time in so many different ways.
I had a hard day. I deserve XXXXXX.
I did a really great job on that presentation. I should reward myself with XXXXX.
I haven’t really bought any new clothes lately. I deserve XXXXXXX.
I spend a lot of time on others. I can get myself XXXXXX.
After all, God would want me to be happy and XXXXXX makes me happy.
All of this based on the idea that I inherently deserve something. That something is owed to me for something that I’ve done, experienced, or simply for being me. All of which is wrong.
I am not owed anything. In fact, I owe everything. Yet, if I’m truly honest, there are pieces of my life that I’ve been unwilling to hand over completely because I have felt entitled. These seemingly small pieces, it’s not like I’m on the verge of bankruptcy or death by any means, I keep for myself as if God doesn’t want them. But he does. He wants it all. He wants my all.
“She traded entitlement for surrender, and God took her up on it.” Jennie Allen in Anything (49).
So, that’s what I’m trying to do. Trade the things I’ve viewed as entitlements to offerings. One brownie, one shirt, one ice cream, one pair of earrings, one piece of pizza, one dvd (have you figured out my weaknesses yet?) at a time.
Big actions can be easier sometimes than the small day to day offerings…but I’m trying. As God is revealing these hidden pieces of my soul that I wasn’t aware I was clutching, He is also giving me the power to surrender all I have and am to Him to make room and prepare for even bigger battles to fight in His name!