Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed –James 5:16
I’ve always been a loud person. I have a loud persona; I wear my emotions and opinions loudly (even when I don’t use words). I guess its only natural that I try to live my life out loud as well.
Leaving no words unspoken.
(yes, that sometimes leads to trouble and I’m working on my tone and word choice)
but a life without secrets that’s…well it isn’t beautiful ( I have a lot of ugly) but it’s real and it’s easier than putting on fancies…and I just don’t have time for that!
The only way to gain control over that beast was by making it as public as possible- so secrecy wasn’t an option (and yes, years of therapy).
Yes it was embarrassing and diifcult having the entire family know my struggles.
Yes it was excruciating having the entire school in on my battles.
But… yes, it was nearly impossible to get away with continuing the damaging behavior.
And in time it was liberating not having to hide.
It took many years but I learned to own it. To not be ashamed because I have struggles, to talk about it openly.
I have lots of struggles, if you have time I’ll tell them all to you. And everytime a little healing happens.
Some struggles never go away, they ebb and flow between good and bad days.
Pregnancy is a very hard thing for me physical and emotionally thanks to my eating disorder. I love that I’m growing my child and love baby girl beyond measure…but my growing belly gives me personal, selfish fears and anxieties I wish I didn’t still battle.
Comes down to…oh well.
I do, and I will and it no longer consumes me because I hold it to a light.
Darkness holds secrecy and our struggles can become sin but in the light we have control. Both metaphorically and literally.
Jesus, as my light, changes everything. A struggle isn’t sin, but it can be if you let it control you.
And literally sharing my burden, shining the light on them and not hating myself for having them, helps me gain control and perspective.
We are only human, I struggle. I have a lot of ugly.
Lets just own our battles outloud. For the sake of each other and ourselves.
There’s no shame in a struggle. Welcome to life. It is hard. By why go it alone?!