I love being in love. I love all the mushy things about love.
I am a hopeless romantic. I believe in fairytales and happy endings. I believe in love at first sight and love ever after.
I also believe happy endings require work. A lot of it. And love is hard. Really really hard.
Impossible really. At least humanly impossible.
I’m not saying people (at least the people in my life don’t) go out with the intention to hurt. But life is hard and love is hard and inevitably someone is needing more.
Yet, I still believe in love, and the mushy goodness that comes with it.
It surrounds me daily.
Not the fairytale perfect hair, perfect ending, uber romantic love.
I have the exhausting daily hardness and not washed hair love.
I prefer it. The love in my life is hard and it is real. It is work.
It is worth it. But sometimes…it still leave me wanting.
The older I get the more I realize it’s not enough to just pour out love. It’s not enough to just love others. You have to actively love yourself as well.
You can’t expect another person, another imperfect human, to fill all your gaps and canyons.
They will fail no matter how much they love you and how hard they try.
You must love yourself enough to invest in a love that passes understand and human ability.
A love that never changes. A love that never ends.
For me there is only one love that fills my gaps and canyons, that makes me whole, that never leaves me wanting.
It’s a Godly love.
It’s simple and complex and I’m slowly learning just how all encompassing it truly is.
I have a lot of love in my life. Deep rooted family bonds, children that have taught me the depth love can reach and (exhaustion I’ve not known was attainable), a husband that never fails to amaze me in patience and bear hugs, friendships that inspire me and push me to a better woman. My life is full of people I love and who love me.
Yet, all the earthly love still leaves me wanting.
There is only one love that brings peace when it doesn’t feel accessible.
The love of Amazing Grace.