A Hard Pill to Swallow

God has given us free will.  God uses us despite our choices if we allow Him.  God used me/is using me while on my current path that, honestly, I’m not sure was His original plan for me.  I chose a path that allowed me to work towards making the world better, but one that would let me do what I wanted without having to face any of my fears.

It is still really hard, but I am rapidly getting to the point of being ready to move despite my fears, which still remain the same.  However, there are two main changes:

  1. I’m able to see the irrationality of the fear I’ve held and the way I’ve let the fear dictate parts of my life/decisions.
  2. It is limiting my ability to serve God.

The last one is the hard pill to swallow.  It took some honest, hard reflection to accept and acknowledge that I have been putting my own desires above His.  By doing so, I am not only suggesting that my desires are somehow most important, but also that He isn’t powerful enough to handle my fear (because I KNOW I am not).

Wow.  I’ve built my life on my selfish needs and desires.  God has worked with me/through me despite this.  However, the truth of that statement still exists.  So, what does that mean for my faith driven life moving forward?

I’m going to be honest and quiet so I can hear and respond to His little nudges as they come.

-S

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