And From Then On, Everything Started to Change

It seems like most Christians I admire had a moment like this.  For those who came to know Christ as teens or adults, often that is this moment.  For people like me who accepted Christ as their savior as children, it seems like there is often a separate event or time of life that led to their spiritual awakening (for lack of a better term).

I think it’s safe to say that for Jessi it was when she was pregnant with Nici.  Motherhood was the event that changed everything.  For me, it was my mental break, diagnoses, and rebuilding (which I describe in My Darkness).    For some, receiving mental health diagnoses may be deflating; for me, it was empowering.

It was validation that God made me different.  He made me the way I was for a specific reason.  There was no reason to try to justify myself to others, make excuses about myself, or change to meet others’ hopes or expectations for me.

Receiving my diagnoses was like receiving a permission slip to be myself because this is exactly how God intended me to be.  He didn’t intend to use me despite my quirks, but because of them.

I found that a huge step towards a closer relationship with God is loving yourself for who you are and where you are.  That is the ultimate step in trust.  Trusting Him in His loving creation of you.


I have to allow myself to be me and love myself for all my quirky inconsistencies and unnormalcies (I think I just made up that word).  This allows God to help me use all of these aspects that make me who I am.  It allows Him to help me use all those aspects of me that He designed for His purposes.

– S


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