The Woman He Loves

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you,

whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price.

So glorify God in your body. – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

I’m my own worst critic. Its borderline bullying really.

As females I think this is true of most of us. Society puts unreal pressure on us. Then we put it on ourselves and those around us and it becomes this vicious, unrealistic, and judgmental cycle.

I’ve battled an eating disorder my entire adult life, it manifested in middle school. Right when physical appearance and the need to belong are #1 on a young girl’s priority list. I’ve done some permanent and severe damage to my body and logically I never want to go back to where I was when it was all consuming. But honestly, in the secret of the morning, I wouldn’t mind losing another 10 lbs and being a size 2 again. (and I can even talk myself into thinking that’s perfectly fine because its 2 sizes up from the 00 I used to be…yes they make pants in size 00…no, its not healthy).

Those who know me know that I am thin already. I can logically admit that size 4 is enviable and losing weight isn’t healthy for me. Especially since we are trying to make a sibling for Nici.

Bit I often wonder, will I ever be satisfied?! Will I ever like what I see in the mirror? It’s going on 15 years of self-loathing my physical form, and I’m tired of it.

I’ve spent many years in counseling and can spew the right words: I’m healthy, have a great family, a healthy happy little boy, I can run, laugh, love, swim, play, reproduce…my body allows me to do so much (and I am grateful the years of severe restricting is mainly only represented daily by Irritable Bowel Syndrome)

Which is why I finally (after becoming pregnant) came to the point of truly respecting my body and taking better care of it. But the question remains: will I ever like it?

A few weeks back my mom was a having a bad hair day, which led to complaining about her body. My dad stepped in and said:

“hey, you’re talking about the woman I love”

(its no wonder why they just celebrated 30 years together in September)

His comment made me smile ~and think~ Jesus feels the same way!

I don’t know that I will ever like my body, that’s part of my disease. But we are grown, intelligent women and all know the power of words…and I can control the negative self talk.

Jesus made me exactly how He wanted. Yes, its important to take care of ourselves, we are His temple after all. Eating fruits and veggies, moving our bodies, these are important things.

But so is eating the red velvet cake, so is dancing like an idiot, so is laying on the floor eating cookie dough while staring at the ceiling entirely too long.

God made our bodies for a purpose so by all means take care of it, but he also made them for pleasure. So try not to restrict yourself to the point of misery (yes, I am talking to myself)!

This is where my focus needs to be. Enjoying the temple God made me to be. I get way to obsessed over how the temple looks…instead of how it works.

And when the negative self talk comes back (which it does…every morning when I get dressed and every evening when I get undressed). I will concentrate real hard and hear Jesus say:

“ Hey, you’re talking about the woman I love”

So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God – 1 Corinthians 10:31 

– J

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